A writer's life is one full of rejection and disappointment. I've never felt it more strongly than I have the last few weeks or so. The writing life is painful. It is good, too, and fulfilling and joyous, but it hurts.
I've been working on one of my novels for three days a week since the beginning of the year. I have many weeks under my belt. Then I think of how far I've gotten. Not far at all. I keep circling back to the first chapter still. All this time and all this work, and what do I have to show for it? A whole lot of nothing.
I'll be honest. I thought I'd be much further in nine weeks than a solid first chapter and mediocre second, third, fourth, and fifth chapters.
My goal this year is to query three agents per month. I've kept up with it, but that also means I'm receiving regular agent rejections. I've had many agent rejections in the past, but there's something about these that feel so painful. Each rejection makes me feel further away from my ultimate goal. Each rejection makes me question the path I've chosen and makes me wonder if I'm good enough.
Remembering My Progress
Sometimes in the face of disappointment, it can be hard to remember progression and achievement. My brain tends to focus on the things I'm not getting done rather than the things I've completed. I need to change that. Although, it's one thing that keeps me productive. I may not be hitting these main goals like I wanted, but that doesn't mean that other cool stuff isn't happening all around me.
I may not have made huge progress getting through page numbers with my revision so far this year, but that doesn't mean I've failed.
I took my first chapter to my critique group twice, two months in a row, after working on it in between. I needed a solid beginning to help me frame the rest of the revision, so it makes sense that I kept circling back to it. It wasn't ready for me to move on to the rest of the story. I may have a lot of work left to do on the novel, but I have a strong first chapter, and there's something beautiful about that.
As for the agents, I used to never even get a response from agents. I may not be getting positive news, but they're actually responding. That shows progress.
I also had an article pitch approved for a book on writing put together by ANWA (the writing association I'm a part of). I'm ecstatic about that. Now I just need to buckle down and write it. No big deal, right?
I'm making progress on my writing, but just in different ways that I originally imagined.
How are your 2018 writing goals coming along?
I'm an adjunct creative writing professor and freelance writer, but I dream of being a published novelist. This is my journey.