Being Haunted by My Writing Dreams

With some people in my life, I've spoken at length about my writing dreams. But what many people don't know is that I'm haunted by them. I think it's actually quite common, to be haunted by your unachieved dreams. However, that's not all I'm haunted by. I'm haunted by story ideas, characters who beg to be written, and feelings that need to be given a home on paper. These ghosts are incessant. They are always behind me, tapping me on the shoulder. When I turn around, they're waiting for me. Silently waiting. Watching me. Making me remember that they're there and they will not be ignored.

But as friend and fellow blogger, Amanda Creasey from Mind the Dog Writing Blog, told me earlier this week, "There are worse things to be haunted by."

And she's right.

I'm not bothered one bit by the hauntings. I'm only bothered that I haven't figured out to make it come to life, how to bring my dreams to reality. So, this weekend, Amanda and I both agreed to write a post about our writing dreams. So, make sure to check her blog and read her post.

My Writing Dreams

• To write fiction every day because it is my job.
• To have the flexibility of schedule that comes with being an author, meaning you can make your own writing schedule. If I want to attend a writing conference (which I missed out on this weekend because of a  lack of vacation days to use at work), I can go the full three days and know I'll be the better for it, and so will my writing.
• To publish. A lot.
• I guess it comes down to this: to be paid to write my own stories, be paid to create my own worlds, and to be paid to write the ghosts that haunt me. To be paid to express my soul on my own terms.

Writing is Painful

Just because I enjoy writing doesn't mean it's easy. And many times, it's not even enjoyable. In fact, it can be downright painful. But you know what's more painful? Not writing.

I participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) every year. Those 30 days are difficult. Beyond difficult, actually. I still work my two jobs and then somehow find time to write a novel. And when I'm ripping my hair out to meet word counts and to fit everything in or even if I'm trying to figure out what my character wants to do next, my husband has asked why I keep writing if I hate it, if it's hard.

I don't hate writing, but it is hard. I write because it's my soul's calling, if you will. My soul needs it. The only way I can explain it is that I feel I'm meant to write, and only then can I find peace...until the hauntings start again.

But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. Writing on my own terms brings me fulfillment, peace, and joy. It gives me a place that I feel I belong. It gives me some of the missing puzzle pieces inside me. It helps me better understand myself, my experiences, and the world and people around me. It makes me more human.

But the only way for me to achieve those writing goals and bring my writing dreams to life is to just go for it. I have to make sure I make progress and push myself. Otherwise, I'm just going to get stuck where I am, being haunted forever by the what-ifs and what-might-have-beens.

What are your writing goals? Have unachieved dreams or characters haunted you?